I know I am far away this year and I am sorry I cannot be there to celebrate your special day today, a day that should be celebrated everyday because you deserve it. All I can do then is write you this letter, to say sorry for all the years I didn’t write a letter to tell you thank you, and all the years that I took your presence in my life for granted. Now that I am a mom, I am quickly understanding how difficult it is to be as patient and selfless as you have been towards me all my life. Here are a few apologies I would like to make to you…
In my childhood years, you always told me that I was a little bit too eager to climb every possible structure in sight and I am sorry for causing you to have a heart-attack each time. I am sorry if I ever pushed you away and did not give you a hug when you asked for one. I am sorry for not practicing piano enough when I should have and making you extremely nervous during piano recitals.
In my teen years, I was extremely confused and selfish. I am sorry for not communicating and sharing more of my life with you. I am sorry for not helping you more around the house with chores. I am sorry that I did not say thank you for always having food prepared in the refrigerator.
In my twenties, I moved back home after college and you opened up your home to me, once again. I am sorry for cluttering your clean and organized home with a lot of my stuff, even to this day. I am sorry for probably causing you carpal tunnel syndrome to help me with my ridiculous craft projects – from hand-making programs, invitations, etc. for my 400-person wedding, to keeping you up past your bedtime to finish last-minute Christmas cards for 200 ex-students. I am sorry I didn’t organize a special Mother’s Day celebration for you each year.
Now in my thirties, I realize I still make the same mistakes. I still give you heart-attacks when I drive 5 hours home at midnight or decide to do extreme activities like skydiving. I should be the one picking up groceries for you and cooking you dinner and washing the dishes, but now you’re not only cooking for me, but my husband and daughter too. My “stuff” is still occupying your house, and an entire space in your garage.
“I’m sorry” will never be enough. “Thank you” will never be enough. But at least now, know that you can ask for a hug and I will happily give you one. Know that you can call me anytime and I will eagerly share what is going on in my life. Know that I will organize something special for you every Mother’s Day from now on.
Happy Mother’s Day Mom and I love you.
(BTW, I’m working on the get-rid-of-my-stuff-in-your-house issue…)